At what point did it all change so completely? When did I stop feeling vulnerable and weak? It seemed like anything and everything could take me out mentally and emotionally at any moment – at any place. When did I stop feeling odd, peculiar, out of sync, out of place? How did I ever muster the strength to suffer devastating loss and walk on? Where did it become irrelevant if I were in a crowd or all alone?
Honestly? None of it has ever truly changed. I suppose I simply decided along the way that I am part of the human race and this is what it is like to be human. To be human is to feel vulnerable, weak, odd, peculiar, out of sync and out of place.
Loss and being alone is just what it is to be human, and honesty with one’s own self about it all is the only door I personally have found to the God part of me. The God part of me is indeed a mighty fortress with unending strength. It is God-like to walk on when the loss is so deep that quitting seems to be the only viable option. When the human part of me began to discover the God part of me, solitude became a majestic throne room instead of that forever-dreaded dungeon of loneliness.
Along this journey, acceptance is the most powerful force and gift that anyone has ever given to me. It is also the most of myself I have ever been able to give to someone else. Acceptance of myself, however, has been my sole contact with that which is miraculous. We seem to always be looking for that point where everything changes. Maybe the things about life that we never want to change always do. And the things we want to change never really will. The miraculous is not found in that which changes or needs to change.
By accepting ourselves just the way we are – is that the truly miraculous? Is honesty about myself – to myself – the point where I meet an infinite God full of Grace and truth?